The Right Stuff
Of late, I have been receiving a subscription to Stuff magazine. I'm not sure why this happened, how I got signed up, or why I'm getting it for free, but there you have it. It might be because I bought tickets online and paid outrageous amounts of money to some ticket conglomeration, so they felt bad for me and are now sending me softcore porn in the mail. It's not so bad, but the first ones began arriving while I was away, so our neighbors were collecting our mail and probably saw the magazines (two came while I was gone), and what must they think of me now? My stellar reputation is tarnished forever.
Anyway, another one arrived last night. Kia was leafing though and declared that all there were no women in the entire magazine weren't almost naked and looked like they wanted to have sex with you. I found this hard to believe, so I did the research myself. I know, life is tough, but that's what I am: a researcher. Anything in the name of science. Whether the journal is "Nature", "Stuff", or "Swank", I will do my research and get to the bottom of things (no pun intended).
I went through, using the criteria Kia had given me (any woman NOT scantily clad and NOT wanting to have sex with me counted as 1). By the end, I had gotten to 4. Four women who had most of their clothes on and did not outwardly appear to want to make nookie with me. Four women. That's pretty pathetic. One or two, I can see that happening. But four. The people at Stuff magazine should be ashamed that they let four slip by. I would cancel my subscription (if I had subscribed).
(P.S. Just kidding. Down with the capitalist patriarchy.)
3 Comments:
Research *is* hard. I commend you for your commitment to uncovering the truth about Stuff magazine. But a peer review of your findings reveals a great flaw: you failed to include an important piece of data in your report...how many *total* women were in Stuff? i.e., What was the ratio of naked-ish women/women who wanted to have sex with you to predominantly clothed and sexually disinterested women?
Excellent question. Let me do some more *research* and I'll get back to you on that.
Also these are meaningless numbers unless you can tell me how many nearly naked men there are, and whether they wish to have sex with you. Maybe Stuff is really into objectifying men. See....you biased researchers, only trying to find what you want to see...we politicos are really only after the truth. I will now uncross my fingers.
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