Mandonna

An open letter to anyone in the Bay Area: Please go see this band and report back.

Comic book guy strikes again

Sign seen in a protest march at the RNC in NYC yesterday:

"WORST. PRESIDENT. EVER."

Yes. Oh God, yes.

Dare to dream (aka Red Sox Rant #3)

Baseball etiquette and tradition dictates that players aren't supposed to talk about a no-hitter while it is in progress, nor are they supposed to talk to the pitcher who is working on the no-no. Well, let's just say I feel the same way about this post. Dare I comment on the Bo Sox at this oh-so-tenuous point in their bipolar season? Who saw this? Winning 12 out of the last 13? Are you serious? 4.5 games behind the Evil Empire? First in the Wild Card hunt by a game and a half? Dare I make a big deal out of this? Granted, their recent orgy of winningness hasn't exactly been against the A-List teams of the AL (Blue Jays, Tigers, White Sox), but no matter.

Additionally...dare I raise the notion that trading Nomah was a....good thing? Let the numbers speak for themselves: Sox were 14-12 in July (Nomie's final month with the Good Guys), and are 20-7 to this point in August. Coincidence? Only time will tell. It's make or break time now.

Smarter than the average bear

You can't make stuff like this up...

Bear breaks into campers cooler, bear drinks one can of Busch, bear rejects it for Ranier beer, bear proceeds to drink 38 Raniers, then pass out.

Take that, Anheiser-Busch. Even bears know what a good beer tastes like.

Anyone ever heard of Ranier beer? Is this a west coast microbrew or something?

I can see it now. Before long, frat boys at U Washington will be instituting "Bear Day", where you have to drink 38 beers in a day, without passing out.

A sci-fi movie moment

We just moved into our current apartment less than two weeks ago, so I don't know if this is par for the course or just coincidence, but for the past two nights, as very strong thunderstorms have been brewing, the sketchiest ice cream truck you can ever imagine arrives in our neighborhood. Its arrival is announced by the gleeful, tinny sound of the ice cream truck theme song emanating from its top, which is completely at odds with its appearance (i.e. looks more like a front for narcotics activity than a place to get a Bomb pop or an Italian ice). What gets me is that this truck only seems to appear right before inclement/dangerous weather. The combination of the innocent/eerie truck song with the looming ominous clouds makes me feel like I'm the innocent guy out walking his dog before aliens come down and eat my brain.

We don't need no education

An old story, I realize, but...."The Wall" on Broadway!

Gluttons for pain

There's an online poll in the sports section of boston.com, asking readers to decide who the most popular sports team in Boston is: Patriots or Red Sox? I knew the answer before I even voted, but the lopsidedness of it shocked me. 73% in favor of the Sox. This, despite the Pats winning the Super Bowl 2 out of the last 3 years. We just love to watch 'em lose. It's more dramatic that way. The Patriots are too steady for us, Bellichick too calm and in control, Brady too cool under pressure. And that huge winning streak the Patriots had last year? Fuggetaboutit. Not for us. Give us the ups and downs, the breath-taking highs, the dismal lows, and all the uncertainty and possible curses that accompany this team. It's what we psychologists would refer to as a "variable interval schedule of reinforcement", sort of like a slot machine. Maybe this time it will pay off, maybe this time.....

Steak n' Shake it like a Polaroid picture

There is now a long-running joke among Kia and I (and pretty much anyone else who will listen to the story) about the time last summer when we visited Steak n' Shake for dinner. I had already had a snack before we went, then I got a decent sized meal there. As we were leaving, I was feeling full. Not good full, unpleasantly full. I was driving, and as we were going along it became apparent what I needed to do. I pulled over in a parking lot, opened my door, and deposited my entire dinner (along with other assorted food) onto the concrete next to my car. After a few good yaks, I felt worlds better, so much better, in fact, that I told Kia I could eat again. She thought this to be hilarious, and has told everyone within earshot this story ever since. It's even a new part of our vocabulary (e.g., "Man, I'm sooooo full. I'm Steak n' Shake full.")

WELL. On Saturday, while I was at the Cards game with Meg and David, Kia was out with her friend Kelly at (where else?) Steak n' Shake. We were supposed to meet up after the game for real dinner, so she was just going to eat something small. I call her after the game, and she tells me I'm never going to believe it: After leaving Steak n' Shake, she threw up in a parking lot.

Karma.

Dos anos

Two years, for those Spanishly-impaired. Last night, Kia and I celebrated two years together. It's strange, it feels simultaneously like a lot less than that and a hell of a lot more. I can't imagine my life without her, but it's funny that it's been two years already. With all the moving and everything, we wanted to just do something low key. I said I didn't care what we did as long as it was together. Hey, when it's your anniversary, even Chili's can be romantic. We were going to watch Kill Bill 2, but she had an early morning the next day. Yah for us. All is well.

The fun never stops

Just 5 days into living in the new digs, Kia and I had our first guests. Well, first guests besides the cable guy, the water guy, the gas guy.......come to think of it, I've spent lots of time recently sitting around the apartment, waiting for guys......no comments, please. Anyway, on Thursday I went to pick up David and Meg at the fabulous Lambert St. Louis International Airport. Me being there was not a surprise. Meg being there was (for David). They totally made out when they saw each other. It was cute. And gross. But mainly cute.

Some of the highlights of their visit:

-Budweiser tour. Mandatory for all of my guests. Just like voting, you should do this early and often. It was the first tour for one of our tour guides. I think his name was Steve. Unfortunately, we weren't allowed to see the canning and bottling part. So to make up for it, we stayed in the "Hospitality Parlor" extra long, eating pretzels. At least three more groups came in while we were still there. Take that, Anheiser-Busch.

-Arch. Also mandatory. We viewed it one night, while there was a concert there, then went up into it on a different day. David and I played a very competitive game of checkers while waiting to take one of the space pods to the top. I'm still waiting for McDonald's to somehow add another arch next to it and paint them both yellow.

-Cardinals game. These guys are good. We're talking playing October baseball good. Like late October. None of this early October crap. They've sort of been under the national media radar a little bit, which is surprising.....since they're SO DAMN GOOD. We got to see 4 home runs, 3 by the Cardinals, which makes our ticket stubs worth a free Big Mac. Also at the game were two older women, sitting next to me. Over the course of the game, I heard her tell her friend that she needs to have a boyfriend at each game (one of the players) who she will root for, and I also heard a story about the first time her mother took her to buy a bra. Also, never get the pretzel bites, or whatever they're called. They've got gross cheese inside them, which will spurt orgasmically out of the back onto either your pants or the person sitting in front of you. Bad news. Also, a woman was in the process of throwing up everywhere on the train ride home. Possible cause: the pretzel bites.

-Vintage Vinyl. Great music store. Think of the record store from "High Fidelity". Also, while there I registered to vote and got a little canvas bag that says "Civil Rights" on it for doing so. It's really odd. But it was free. I guess that's where I'll keep my civil rights from now on.

-Qdoba. An imitator, but not a duplicator, of Chipotle. It's a tight race, but there can be only one. Qdoba, you'll have to take the silver. I declare Chipotle the winner.

-20 new CDs. David brought me 20 new CDs. I'm set for a while. Nuff said.

-Paddleboating in Forest Park. Very fun, haven't done that here yet. And we brought Teak along too. He kept wanting to jump in the water and chase the ducks, but he's also kind of a wuss, so there was no danger of that.

-Saleem's. Restaurant in The Loop. Their slogan is "Where Garlic is King". You got that right, Saleem. Saleem doesn't play around. Nobody come near me for a few more weeks. But some of the best food I've had in a long time.

-Union Station. We passed on the chance to go to Hooters, opting for the Food Court instead. Then there was the Beatles store and watching the guys at the Fudge Factory sing and make fudge. It's always a good time.

You, too, could have this much fun if you join me in the Heartland of America! But first you have to visit (ahem.....) You know who you are.

Quick update

We're in the new place now, at long last, and it's looking pretty spiffy. We've been moving furniture around constantly, so I'm sure our downstairs neighbor cursing us out to her cats, but things have gone mostly to plan. Getting everything in was an adventure, with the flight of stairs adding to the fun. We had to take the feet off of the couch with an electric screw gun to get it in. The couch, not the screw gun. And Teak (our dog) seemed alternately confused and overjoyed by the whole thing. I think he doesn't understand why we're in this new place, but not he has all of these boxes and stuff to chew on, so he's happy.

The neighbors seem friendly too. Already we've met a spoken to more of them than we had the entire year at the other apartment. Lots of dogs and kids around too. We're definitely in the burbs.

David is coming to visit today, as is Meg, which is a surprise for David. He reads this, but he's on the plane right now, so it's ok. I'm excited. We've got a Cardinals game, a Budweiser brewery tour, and who knows what else in store. This is the third time I will have taken the tour. I think they're going to start recognizing me. But I in no way see this as supporting "The Man" (aka Budweiser), since tours are free and they give you free beer at the end. This is how I justfiy it to myself.

Movin' on up

We'll spend our last night in our apartment tonight, where we first arrived here in St. Louis and where we lived for a year. Tomorrow we move to the new place, which should be bigger and better, but won't have the same homeiness that this one has acquired. It seems weird that it's been that long already. Amazing what can happen in a year. I think I'll miss the old place, but not for long.

After this, no more moving for a while.

Ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong

I got an unexpected surprise (which, I guess, is the definition of a surprise....it's unexpected) yesterday afternoon in my lab, when one of the psych grad students here at Wash U brought his baby into our lab, which was very nice since I hadn't seen him yet. He smiled at me. Very cute. Anyway, he also asked me (the grad student, not the baby) what I was doing that night, and of course I hesitated because who knows what he could want from me. But then he showed me a ticket to the St. Louis Rams game for that night. Sure, I was free. I called the ladyfriend and told her not to wait up, then I was off to the Edward Jones Dome (named after a financial planning company or something) to see some football.

I had only been to one professional football game in my life. That was in San Diego, where I saw the Chargers play the Raiders. There was a brawl. It was really sunny. I don't remember who won. What do you want? I was 10!

So there was no brawl in this one. It was just preseason, and the first preseason game, at that. But it was against da Bears, who may or may not be a rival of da Rams, I can't tell. I got me a nice big beer, found my seat which was up a few levels but about even with one of the endzones, so that was nice. I was sitting next to a family, who left part way through the third quarter. I thought it was an ok game, although the Bears committed more penalties than I think I've ever seen in one game. It was unreal.

St. Louis led most of the game, but Chicago got a late touchdown and tied it. So the game went into overtime. Sweet. Hey, at $7 per beer, you need to take what you can get. Unfortunately, overtime only lasted 17 seconds. Chicago got the kickoff, ran it almost all the way back, then immediately kicked a field goal. Ah well, nice while it lasted.

Next weekend I visit another St. Louis sports venue: Busch Stadium, home of the Cardinals. I'm feeling more like a local everyday.

The Right Stuff

Of late, I have been receiving a subscription to Stuff magazine. I'm not sure why this happened, how I got signed up, or why I'm getting it for free, but there you have it. It might be because I bought tickets online and paid outrageous amounts of money to some ticket conglomeration, so they felt bad for me and are now sending me softcore porn in the mail. It's not so bad, but the first ones began arriving while I was away, so our neighbors were collecting our mail and probably saw the magazines (two came while I was gone), and what must they think of me now? My stellar reputation is tarnished forever.

Anyway, another one arrived last night. Kia was leafing though and declared that all there were no women in the entire magazine weren't almost naked and looked like they wanted to have sex with you. I found this hard to believe, so I did the research myself. I know, life is tough, but that's what I am: a researcher. Anything in the name of science. Whether the journal is "Nature", "Stuff", or "Swank", I will do my research and get to the bottom of things (no pun intended).

I went through, using the criteria Kia had given me (any woman NOT scantily clad and NOT wanting to have sex with me counted as 1). By the end, I had gotten to 4. Four women who had most of their clothes on and did not outwardly appear to want to make nookie with me. Four women. That's pretty pathetic. One or two, I can see that happening. But four. The people at Stuff magazine should be ashamed that they let four slip by. I would cancel my subscription (if I had subscribed).

(P.S. Just kidding. Down with the capitalist patriarchy.)

Idaho? No, YOU da ho

If you haven't seen "Napoleon Dynamite" yet, what the heck are you waiting for?? God. Just do it, ok? Come on! If you have seen it, all of the ranting I just did makes a little more sense, and hopefully will remind you fondly of such a great flick. I was laughing even before it started. And the best part: it takes place entirely in Idaho. Come on, name me one other movie that even involves Idaho in any way. I dare you.

Packing it in

I'm packing up stuff for the move next weekend. Kia and I are moving to a place a few miles away, about the same rent but a better place. It feels bigger, bigger kitchen, it's got a backyard, some stained glass windows. It feels like a house, rather than a big apartment complex. And it's in a part of town called Richmond Heights. Classy. Who wouldn't love that?

I'm realizing we just have lots of crap. Lots. And it took us nearly a year to get it all crammed in here just right so that it wouldn't impede our day-to-day living too much. And now we have to unearth it all, put it away, move, and start again. I find myself marking boxes with descriptions like "Bookcase in study," or for lack of a better term, "Random". I know what it means, and that's all that matters. I think Teak, our dog, is convinced we're going to move and leave him here. The thought has crossed my mind, but I guess we'll have to bring him.

D N C-ya later

I realized I hadn't given any updates on the vaca (that's short for "vacation") that I took with the fam (that's short for "family") in Boston/Maine. Kia came with me, so it was the five of us (me, my sister Kate, Kia, Mom, Dad) in a small house on a lake. Very relaxing, very quiet. The first couple of days, a husky from next door came and said hi to us. That was nice and it helped with the dog withdrawal symptoms we were both feeling. There was some canoeing, some fishing (although I got not so much as a nibble), some swimming (although the bottom of the lake had lots of grass and stuff and I'm squeamish about that sort of thing), and a bunch of puzzles. Our prize piece was one by Van Gogh. Boy, could that bastard paint a puzzle. Best puzzle painter I've ever seen.

Other events not to be forgotten:

-I grew facial hair until I was sick of it, just to make sure I could. I had never really tried very hard, so I thought it would be a good thing to do. I got what you might consider a beard, then shaved it to a goutee, then to a skeezy looking mustache. All was documented on film, if you'd like proof. I wouldn't recommend it. Just take my word for it.

-Whitewater rafting. Oh yeah, it was fun. Parts of it were incredible and exhilarating. During the safety lecture, my mother had second thoughts about the whole thing and almost bailed. But she ended up having a very good time. None of us fell out of the boat. And we went through Class 5 rapids, the highest you're allowed to go through. Boo-ya.

-I kicked Kia's ass at Monopoly. I don't think she has the killer instinct to win the game. I kept piling on the houses and hotels, but she just wanted to keep what she had so I wouldn't lose any money. Very sweet of her. I put some hotels on Boardwalk and Park Place. She didn't last long.

-Golf. I played with my dad for the first time in 2 years. Surprisingly, I was not as bad as I could have been. I had 4 pars. I was relatively pleased. For 9 holes, we played with a local kid, maybe 17 years old, who was a member there and gave us all the tips for how to play the holes. He told us that one summer he played 54 holes a day (fifty-four), three or four days a week. If you're going fast, and I mean whipping through the course, you can do 18 holes in 4 hours. 54 holes would take you 12 hours, minimum. That's sunup to sundown, 3-4 days a week. Badass.

-Mini golf. I lost. To everyone. I demand a rematch.

-The house we stayed in had a huge cutout of a parrot on the wall and said "Parrot Fever". I'm not even going to venture a guess about that one.

-During the trip, Kia and I frequented as many Dunkin' Donuts as was humanly possible, given that there are none in St. Louis, which I think is absurd. It did make for an interesting diet, though, trying to stuff all of those donuts and coffee into yourself as often as you could.

-Speaking of diet, I also ate clam chowda at every meal out. I counted at least four different restaurants where I had it. And they were four different chowdas. Not one the same as any others. Fascinating.

-Oh, the title of this post: We got out of town just in the nick of time to miss all of the Democratic National Convention craziness. Apparently, the city was pretty quiet the whole week. I guess everyone else had the same idea as we did.

She bangs, she bangs

American Idol auditions are happening here in St. Louis this weekend. This is my chance....to make a complete ass of myself on TV. I've always wanted to do that. Seriously, the only people who get on, of the thousands who show up and wait in line, are the ones who are kickass good or who are laugh-out-loud awful. I guess I'll have to try and be laugh-out-loud awful. Does anybody have the words to "Wind Beneath My Wings"?

6 Degrees of...Guns n' Roses??

A little site that lets you play the Kevin Bacon game, only with bands. (Note: Bands limited. They're listed at the bottom).

Hee hee

Catching up on the convention after being away, I found this quote from Al Gore:

"I'll be candid with you. I had hoped to be back here this week under different circumstances, running for re-election. But you know the old saying: you win some, you lose some. And then there's that little-known third category."